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Laurie A. Moyer

Why does it rankle us so much to think that someone doesn’t show us common respect? It isn’t really asking that much. Every human being on the face of this earth deserves some level of respect. If Jesus thought enough of us individually to offer Himself as He did for our salvation surely we can see the inherent value in a soul. Or have we entirely lost our respect for human life? That is perhaps the underlying philosophical flaw in the issue of abortion. All human life is deserving of respect, whether it has the ability to challenge our actions or not.

Have you ever thought that the person treating you with such disrespect must think they are somehow better than you? Humility would cause us to automatically assume that perhaps our own judgment may be flawed and another’s viewpoint and thought processes are at least as valuable as our own if not more so. So you’re not exactly perfect. Why should they expect you to be? Maybe they are being hypercritical in the true sense of the word. Even the best of people need room to learn from their mistakes and not have them held against them for the rest of their lives.

It is striking, really, how God commands those in positions of authority not to be abusive (Prov. 14:31). From kings (Prov. 28:16) to elders (I Peter 5:2-4) to husbands (Eph. 5:25-29) and fathers (Eph. 6:1-4) there is a clear picture that even those in submission should be treated fairly and well. Proverbs 12:10 says that the wise man has that basic regard for his animals, how much more so the people around him?

What about the respect we owe our children? Yes, they are under our authority and need to learn to have and show respect for their parents and adults in general, but is that justification for becoming a tyrant? Do we consider their feelings and needs when we deal with them? They are still people, you know, even if little ones and their souls are worth every bit as much as your own. Children seem to see respect in praise more than anything else. We are not talking about flattery, just a simple recognition of the accomplishments they have made on their own scale, not ours. Someone constantly criticized and seldom complimented will not be very motivated to excel.

How do you feel when you see a child who is an absolute brat with no apparent respect for his or her parents? If you are anything like me you might want to go up and slap them. Not the children, I mean, but the parents for not establishing that relationship the way God has instructed. When was the last time you really considered the respect you should be showing others in the same light? William Penn rightly said "He that does good for God’s sake seeks neither praise nor reward, but he is sure of both in the end." Instead of demanding the respect you may feel you have been deprived of stop for a minute and take those feelings in a more empathetic direction. Do you show respect for the hard work of others?

We are told plainly that the wife is to "see that she respect her husband" (Eph.. 5:33). This is not optional and not even conditioned upon her perception that he deserves it. Why do we balk here? This command goes more to the heart of the issue as to why we choke on obedience and submission. Are we too proud? Do we value our own judgments above all others? If not, why do we become peevish when our suggestions are not taken? Is our hindsight so good that we in the peanut gallery "know we would not make the same ‘mistakes’" we think he makes? Go back and reread the second paragraph of this article at this point. I honestly think some are so good at finding fault that they would not be satisfied with the absolute best of men.

We need to lower our standards to the point that we don’t try to make our husbands earn our respect before we will give it to them, because we certainly do not deserve the love God has commanded they cultivate for us. If all else fails consider the principle that service rendered because of the Lord’s commands should be done "as to the Lord" Himself (Eph. 5:22). The funny thing is that the more respect you honestly give him, the more you will notice the things he does that are worthy of it. That show of respect will even encourage in him the sacrificial love that needs to be his.

It has been said that admiration is to a man what romance is to a woman. Perhaps he really doesn’t need to change in order for you to admire and respect him. Perhaps all that really needs to change is your attitude. He needs and does deserve more than "just a little bit" of respect.